Duo's Non-Profit Organization
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: It's that time of year again when Duo want to "fundraise" money to buy himself a... gift...-_-; WARNING!!! THIS IS NOT A TEST TUBE BABY FRIENDLY FIC!!!


Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory owns nothing.

Duo: Hey there kiddies! Yup it's that time of year again. It's *turns to Heero* what season is it again?

Heero: Idiot.

Duo: Well, that scratches you off of my Christmas list.

Heero: *rolls eyes and pulls out gun*

Duo: Or no heh…heh? Ahem! Anyway, it's "that" time of year which means that the " Buy Duo a Hoe" foundation will be going around looking for donations from each and every one of you! Here are some clips of fundraising that this non-profit organization did last year. *Quatre walks over to Duo*

Quatre: Um…Duo?

Duo: *annoyed* What is it?

Quatre: Well, isn't it a profit for you if you're ultimately going to get a uh…hoe?

Duo: Yah, but that's just me. The rest of you get nada, making this a primarily non profit organization.

Quatre: But, why don't I get a profit of some kind for helping you?

Duo: Because test tube babies are less than human.

Quatre: *whimpers*

Duo: Now get out of my sight!

Quatre: *runs off crying*

Duo: Now, as I was saying, here are some clips of last year's fundraising.

****

Clips….

Duo: *walks up to some pretty girls* Hey there.

Blonde girl: …huh?

Duo: I said hi.

Blonde girl: …Oh….ok….

Duo: Would you ever pay me money?

Blonde girl: ….uh…

Duo: Heh *sweat drops* tough crowd here *turns to red head* Like I was asking your friend, would you ever pay me money?

Red Head: My name's Stacey!

Duo: You seem very happy.

Red Head: Yah, like, my name's Stacey!

Duo: Yah, well I'll be happy too if I get some money and your number *looks her up and down* Yow!

Red Head: Hehehehehe! I don't get it! But guess what! I'm Stacey!

Duo: Uh…yah, got that part already. *turns to the brunette* Well, would you ever pay me money.

Brunette: If you left, maybe.

Duo: Ow! Why you gotta be so mean? Your friends didn't say that.

Brunette: Yah, but that's what they meant.

****

Back to present…

Duo: As you can see, I wasn't very lucky with those three. What can you do when one has a minimal vocab, one only knows her name and the last one is a downright ice queen bitch? Damn, though, were they hot or what?

*Duo fans just glare angrily at him and Heero chuckles maniacally to self*

Duo: Of course, none of them can compare with you gorgeous gals *fan girls swoon* Anyway, here's another clip of when we were more successful.

****

More clips…

Duo: *walks up to some ugly chicks* Hey there, If you give me money, I'll sing for you.

Chick: Ok! *pulls a twenty out of bra so that Duo can sing* Make it romantic!

Duo: Sure thing! *starts singing ABC song*

ABCDLSD

__

Gummi bears are chasing me

Some are black

Some are blue

Some are fucking on my shoe

Now I know bout LSD

Next time won't you sniff with me?

Chick: How was that romantic?!

Duo: I asked you to get high with me didn't I?

Chick: oh….

****

Back to present…

Duo: As you can see, I got money and she got a song but there was one response that I got more often than any other. *shows clips of himself walking up to a million ugly chicks*

Example: Duo: Will you give me money?

Girl: If you sleep with me.

*This clip is repeated a million times only with a different girl each time*

Duo: Those girls just can't seem to get enough of me so here are the clips of today's fundraising.

****

Clips…

*Duo is surprisingly walking with Zechs* 

Duo: I've decided to build up a street crew and this would be one of my many volunteers, Zechs.

Zechs: *hopped up on drugs* huh?

*walk up to an ugly girl and a pretty girl*

Duo: Would you please give me money?

Pretty girl: *looking at Zechs* For sex, hell yah!

Duo: *talking to other girl* I'm guessing the same goes for you?

Ugly girl: Sure!

Duo: Well, I can only do one at a time so *puts an arm around the pretty girl* Zechs could you please look after our other friend?

Zechs: *looking at girl and blinking * The fuck?

Duo: Exactly, you do that with her *walks off with pretty girl who looks disappointed*

Zechs: …k… *walks off*

**Back to present…**

Duo: Yah, that's what we're doing this year. Now let's give a warm thank you to Zechs for volunteering to help out *Zechs gets pulled out in a skin tight t-shirt with tape over mouth. He's not drugged anymore*

Zechs: mphh!!!!!

Duo: that's right! Zechs will have sex with each and every one of you! *ugly and hot girls swoon* Zechs. Show the merchandise to those who are unsure! *Zechs shakes head*

Duo: *pulls out scissors and grabs Zechs hair*

Zechs: *freaks out*

Duo: Do it! *Zechs flexes and the shirts rips off, fan girls faint* So, keep those purses padded with cash cuz you never know when the "Buy Duo a Hoe" foundation will find you. Good Night everybody! 

The end


End file.
